Woof Woof Story Chapter 22

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Hello V●ᴥ●V

As per the suggestion of one of the commenters on the previous chapter, I changed Renwovurm to Renwowyrm. I kinda forgot that you actually pronounce wyrm as vurm…

Well, that change won’t really matter as much anyways since they shortened it in this chapter…

Anyway, one more chapter before the month ends and maybe one Maou Muji chapter before the end of this week.


Chapter 22: A thief!? But it was actually a drinking party!

TL: kizen
ED: Filip

AN: Starting a new chapter as if nothing happened (´・ω・`)

While the people of the mansion are sleeping late at night, I was stealthily rummaging through the kitchen.

「Wafuu (Fuhihi. I found a whole ham leg~. The thinly sliced ones are also tasty but I wouldn’t mind sinking my teeth into it while it’s in this shape)」

If it’s my jaw then I can easily conquer even a hard and tough smoked meat.
Or rather, I prefer this because I can now actually feel it in my mouth when chewing.
I’m sure that I could eat the tough skin and fat as well if I wanted to but since it has been oxidized and thus its bitter so I make sure to peel that part off.
The wise Routa-kun has completely thought this through.

The whole leg ham was hidden in the cupboard so I used my foot to drag it out.
An entire pig’s leg was used to make this ham so it has the shape of a club.

Since this kind of ham needs almost a year to cure properly, this isn’t the one that old man James made.

I more or less ate up almost all of this mansion’s reserved meat before
so this was probably purchased from the town’s butcher.
But even so, it’s still delicious enough as it is.
As expected of the old man. Even his supplier is first class.

「Wan wan (Fuhehe. If I just steal some sake from Papa-san’s wine cellar, everything would be perfect)」

I’m going to celebrate tonight by having ham with wine.

「Chuー (You, do you usually do these kinds of things……?)」

The mouse that was quietly sitting on top of my head let out an exasperated sigh.

「Wafuu (What is it? Are you complaining?)」

「Chuー (Isn’t there a lot to complain about? My husband of all people is secretly snatching food in the middle of the night and I can’t even say I’m shocked)」

Who are you calling your husband?

This self-important mouse that’s sitting on top of my head is Renwowyrm.
She may look like this now but she’s actually a huge dragon that has already lived for thousands of years.

For various reasons, she’s living in my fur right now.
Of course, she’s residing there without my permission but she has gotten a hold of my weakness so I can’t go against her.
By the way, her preferred spot is on the mane on my back.

「Wann (Oi, Ren. I won’t give you your share if you don’t stop complaining)」

Renwowyrm is too long so I just decided to call her Ren.
She hasn’t shown any violent reactions to that so it doesn’t seem like she minds.

「Chuー! (I don’t want something that’s stolen! If you’re an honorable boi* then take it from them fare and square!)」

So taking is alright with you.
I can really feel the generation gap between us.

「Wan wan! (You idiot! If I do that, I’ll be driven out! I don’t even think I can win against old man James to begin with! I’ll just get cut into three in an instant!)」

I suddenly remember seeing the figure of him easily peeling the wild boar’s armor-like skin and chopping it into pieces……

Brrrrr. Compared to Zenovia-chan, the old man’s way scarier.
That’s why I’m stealing it quietly.

「Chuー (How pathetic…… How can you even call yourself a proud demon wolf with that?)」

「Wafu (No, I’m a dog)」

Living for the sake of mastering degeneracy defines what a true pet is.

「Nya~n (You’re late, Routa-san. I’ve already finished with the tasks on my endー)」

Looking at the direction where I heard that voice from, with the night’s moon as a backdrop, a cat was sitting on the kitchen window.

A sake bottle and glass were floating around her.

「Wafuu (Ooohh! Well done Nafra!)」

Unlike a certain freeloader that only knows how to squeak.
Being able to get the sake so quickly, it was the right decision to entrust it to you.

「Chuー! (So you’re in it as well, you stupid cat! Don’t lead my dear down the wrong path!)」

「Nya, nyaーn! (It’s a misunderstanding, Ren-sama! Routa-san was the one who invited me to a drinking party!)」

The cat who is weak against mice Nafra became frightened by Ren’s loud angry shout and ran outside the window.

「Chuー! (Are you running away!? You deserve some punishment!)」

「Nyaaaaaaaaaaan! (Nooooo! I don’t want my ears to get bittennnnnnnnnnnnnn!)」

The two animals were running around the tree that’s in the middle of the courtyard.

「Wan wan……(Oooiii. I’m going to eat the ham ahead of you guys you knowー……」

While watching a mouse chase a cat in the middle of the courtyard illuminated by the moonlight, I sank my teeth into the thick ham.

「Nyaー (Oh geez Routa-san, why did you just bite on it as it is? Even your crudeness should have its limits ……limits nya)」

It’s already too late to correct yourself now.
You’ve been talking normally for a while now after all.

「Wan (It should be fine if it’s just us)」

I really don’t get why she needs to add ‘nya’ at the end of her sentences even though she’s already crying nya nya from the start.

「Nyaー (Forgive me for being rude but if it’s ham, you should eat it by shaving off thin slices first. If it’s truly something delicious then you need to be mindful how you eat it)」

That was a pretty gourmet-ish thing to say.

「Nyaー (Because of that, please leave it to meー)」

Nafra hoisted up her right forefoot and moved it in a beckoning motion.

Then, a knife came flying out of the kitchen and started to skillfully peel the skin off the ham.

「Wafuu (Ohhh. Amazing! You’re pretty handy, aren’t you?)」

「Nya~n (Ehehe. Controlling objects is my specialty after all)」

She became shy that she started sweeping the back of her ear with her paw but even so, the knife still continued moving smoothly.

There’s that yellowish mold that’s the sign of curing.
Cutting that off and removing the rest of the skin, the inner white layer of fat is now exposed.
Although that fatty part is also tasty in itself, my favorite part is the lean meat which would be coming out next.

The knife carefully shaved off the fat and little by little, the red meat showed.
After taking off the fatty layer, Nafra placed the lean meat onto a different plate.

「Nyaー (The curing process didn’t stop on the outside so the inside’s a bit dried out, isn’t it?)」

「Wan wan (You’re so knowledgeable. You’ve only started coming to this mansion recently so why do you already know that much?)」

「Nya~n Nya~n (Non non. I’ve been to this mansion many times before Routa-san even arrived you know? Like for treating Mary-ojousama for example. I’ve seen the masters eat this a lot in those times. Ufufu. This is the first time I’m actually eating it though so I’m looking forward to it~)」

The slicing continued and the red colored lean ham gradually changed into pink which indicates the presence of moisture in the meat.

「Nyaー (Let’s eat this part later. We’ll start with the over cured one first.」

「Wafuu (Oh yeah! Time to eat!)」

「Nya! (No! That’s bad, Routa-san)」

Nafra pressed her front paw on the tip of my nose to stop me.

Eh~.
Do I still have to waitー?

I drooped my non-existent eyebrows and dejectedly stared at Nafra.

「Nyaー (For dried ham, we’ll use this)」

Nafra beckoned something again and this time, two bottles came out from the kitchen.

Similar to a couple dancing the waltz, while they spun around, the covers of the two bottles opened.

Oozing out of those are gold colored thick liquids.

「Wafuu (Honey? And is that one olive oil?)」

「Nyaー (That’s correct. And finally……)」

This time, a hole opened above Nafra’s head.
I’ve seen this before. It’s space magic.

While I was thinking that, a somewhat large jar came out from the hole.

「Nyaー (These are raspberries I picked this morning desu. It’s really sour you know~?)」

So it is.
That small bright red raspberry was placed on top of the ham similar to those in cakes.

「Nyaー (Well then, please go ahead! I’m sure it will be delicious! Promise!)」

Now that I think about it, you probably haven’t eaten this yourself but you’re just casually telling me to be the one to do the poison tasting.

「Wan wan! (Well, whatever. I’m looking forward to how it will taste. Let’s dig in~!)」

I fling a few thin slices of ham into the air.
Then, while it was falling, I catch it with my mouth to eat it.

「Wafuu (Sweet! Sour! Salty! Taaaaaaaaassttyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!)」

The olive oil was used to mellow out the saltiness of the ham.

You’d think that you’d get assaulted by the sweetness of the honey once it reaches your tongue but when paired together with raspberry’s sourness, its flavor transformed the taste into that of a perfectly ripe fruit.

The feeling of crushing the small raspberry seeds in my mouth is intriguing as well. It’s making me want to drink sake even more.

It has twice as complex of a taste compared to the prosciutto and melon that I ate in my previous life.

「Wafu wafu (It’s really tasty! Nafra, it’s really tasty you know!)」

「Nya~n (Well then, I’ll try it as well. Ah, please feel free to have some sake with itー)」

The bottle’s cork was automatically taken off then poured its contents into a glass that’s easy to drink even with our mouths.
It was a highly carbonated sparkling wine but it felt refreshing to drink as if it was rinsing my tongue.

「Wan wan (Ohh. Nice selection. You really thought this through, haven’t you? Completely different from a certain freeloader)」

「……chuー (Oi. Are you referring to me as tactless freeloader?)」

Ren who was sprawled out above my head annoyingly asked.

「Wan (Eh? What? Didn’t you hear meー? Tastyー! This ham is extremely tastyー!)」

「Nyaー nyaー (Ah, it’s true! It’s really tasty, isn’t it! It’s really unforgivable for master to monopolize something this tasty, right? )」

Nafra started to angrily stuffed her cheeks with the raspberry ham.

「Wan wan (Oohー. Go ahead and don’t hold back. We still have a lot of ham after allー! Too bad that Ren-tan over here doesn’t want to eat something as delicious as this, right~?)」

「Chuー! ( What are you trying to insinuate!? I-I don’t need any! I don’t want any of that! Hmph!)」

「Wan Wa~n (Eh~? Really~? You don’t want any~? Then, we’ll just have to eat it all by ourselves, right Nafra?)」

「Nya~n (Ye~s!)」

Leaving Ren aside, the two of us started wolfing down the raspberry ham.

「Ch-chuu…… (*sniff* I, I don’t…any……)」

She started crying.

Although this thousand-year-old spinster is usually putting on airs, it seems like her mentality is still that of a child.
Even when we sneaked into her nest, instead of getting mad up, she welcomed us with open arms so she was probably lonely.

「Wafu wafu (Sorry. It was my fault. Don’t cry Ren)」

「Chuー! (I, I, I’m not crying!)」

Something enveloped the raspberry ham and presented it to Ren who replied with a shout.

Did Nafra use her magic?

「Nya~n (I’m sorry, Ren-sama. We went too far with our prank)」

「Chuー (Hmph! I wasn’t crying! I’m not mad either! I, I didn’t really want to eat something like that!)」

Ren who was on top of my head turned her face away but her gaze kept on pointing towards the raspberry ham.
She’s really easy to read.

「Nyaー (Please don’t say that. I absolutely want Ren-sama to eat this. Could you please listen to Nafra’s request?)」

As if she was praying, Nafra pressed her front paws together and started shaking it up and down.
It seems like this fellow has learned something from my cuteness.
She should probably call me master, right?

「Chuー (Mu, mumu. I-is that so? If you have to go that far then it can’t be helped. You should be thankful for that I’m doing this for you)」

「Nyaー (Yes. Please go aheadー)」

The raspberry ham started floating towards Ren.

If I snatch it right now and eat it, I’m sure that she’s gonna cry.

I thought about such evil thought but as expected, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

「Chuー (Ohhhh. Tasty! It’s tasty, is it not! Nafra, I give you my praise!)」

Ren was sniffing the ham while nibbling it.
Watching Ren, she was giving Nafra an affectionate gaze.
Even when you’re pretty far away from each other, as expected, it’s scary being stared at like that, right?
After we reconciled, us three animals enjoyed drinking until it was almost dawn.


AN: These three idiots weren’t even considering what might happen tomorrow……! (´・ω・`)

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Magnetic magnet

Papa’s wine and the last ham. They’re going to get in trouble in the morning. Or at least routa.

Thanks for the chapter.

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This must be what they call ‘living in the moment’. Thank you very much for this chapter, i’m looking forward to the repercussions of the theft XD.

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